Sex and Marriage: Are There Stars Out Tonight

Despite the tales we hear, ladies, that men are sex machines, sex-on-the-brain every moment of the day, chasing their women around the kitchen straight back into the bedroomhave you ever stood gaping at your husband, who is sprawled on the couch in front of the same rerun youd swear was on just last week, and wondered: who made up those LIES?

Oh, its not that sex has completely disappeared. Its just taken a nose-dive into much lesser importance. The car needs to be serviced, the kids taxied here and there, more errands, house and lawn chores, and perhaps for good measure lets add some work stress. It was a slow decline, barely noticeable in all the goings-on, but tipping steadily.

You blink with the realization. You try to remember when the last time was. And, you cant!

Heres a little secret to getting sexual intimacy back on track, if I may share. Its going to sound silly. Even juvenile. Ill merely state in my experience, it worked marvelously, and its worked for my friends too.

Schedule sex. Literally advertise it. But wait, your approach is going to be subtler than that sounds.

After your next blissful sojourn, hang a calendar in the bedroom where it will be noticed. Affix a gold star identifying the momentous day. When asked why the calendar and oh-ho, that star, erase your judges scorecard you mentally raised if performance was slightly lacking, and say Honey, making love with you made me so happy I wanted to commemorate the day, and you get a gold star! Keep it light and fun, but ensure your husband understands he pleased you.

Now heres the hard part for those of us tempted to cajole, harp, whine, bribe, shame, manipulate, or huff no reminders are allowed to wheedle sex again. Do NOT mention the calendar or even ask about sex. You may use body language to gently encourage but no initiating discussion about it at all. The boldest move you should even consider making, and consider carefully before utilizing it too soon, is to pass by that calendar and run your fingers across the little gold star when you just might have his attention.

If HE brings up the subject, respond positively and very warmly. But let it be his idea. He may not utter the words aloud, but he will be just as aware of that shiny gold star as you are, its significance, and how alone it is amidst a sea of days. Competitive genes, or it is jeans? will be unleashed, or unzipped, or, er, something. Those stars must multiply!

Laura McDonald lives in Frankfort, KY, with her husband Patrick. She is a paralegal. Laura's interests include psychology, movies, music, and writing. She has created a website called The Third Wives Club, directed primarily to women married three or more times. You may visit her site at: http://www.freewebs.com/luckslec/

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